When living alone is no longer an option

Q: The time has come for me to consider an alternative living situation for my aging mother. Clearly, she should not be living alone any longer, yet I am not able to care for her myself. I would like to find a great "retirement home" situation, but there are so many different kinds. What would you suggest I look for in a place?
A: Depending upon your mother's condition there are, as you mention, many possibilities. They may vary from a friendly living facility with many other residents, with whom she could interact, to a complete hospital-like institution with 24-hour medical attendants.
A facility with minimal need for care, often called assisted living, can be very pleasant, attractive, and provide activities that keep the residents busy, if they wish to be. There can be individual rooms, often with small kitchenettes that allow each person to perform minimal cooking procedures if desired. A main dining room usually provides all meals as well. Food, of course, is a large consideration and must meet specific requirements for those on special diets.
If you locate a residence that interests you, perhaps you could talk to some of the residents to discover their feelings about particular aspects of the facility. Inasmuch as they reside there, their responses are likely to be on the positive side.
If your mother is capable, she should certainly help you to choose the facility that most appeals to her. Your letter sounds as if she is just now reaching a point at which she needs assistance to cope with her daily life. Having some input into the choice of a suitable place may help her to deal with the idea of losing the home she has undoubtedly lived in for a long period of time, and thus make her feel a bit more "in charge".
To this point we have addressed housing facilities that serve those needing minimal care. People are living much longer and there are more and more institutions that care for those who can do little, or literally nothing for themselves. Such a place cannot be chosen by the patient, but is usually selected by a responsible relative.
In all care facilities the most important factor to consider is superior medical attention. Be certain that the staff is composed of qualified personnel. Record keeping for each resident or patient is essential, as well as responsibility for overseeing any prescribed medications. Be sure to check carefully all details involved in the care giving. The facility can undoubtedly give you references to contact.
Most of the extended care facilities that I have visited over the years have provided little, if any, mental stimulation. Their patients are able to do essentially nothing for themselves and often spend much of their time sitting in wheelchairs, totally inactive. These residents could only benefit from some mental activities that could vastly improve their quality of life.
Making the decision that a close relative is no longer capable of self-care is always difficult and distressful. The best of luck to you and your mother.